Can anyone honestly recall an acquaintance they had – someone who was a total honest-to-goodness chicken shit – that they genuinely liked? To me, it’s incredibly difficult to not let my perception of someone be marred by the character trait of pure cowardice. I can get it if someone has issues with self-esteem or being shy, but to me that’s a whole ‘nother ballgame from behaving or acting a certain way and then being too much of a lily-livered wuss to own up to it or – hell – take pride in it if that’s how they roll.
I participate rather regularly (though so much lately due to Lent) on a message board frequented by a number of very diverse yet excellent women, many of whom post regularly and even participate often in get-togethers and other ways we can get to know each other in real life. I still have problems remembering what everyone’s real names are in conjunction with their online handles, but a few of them I have become solid friends with and socialize with them outside of the board. We also have more infrequent posters and even “lurkers” (those who never post but just read what everyone else is yakking about).
A number of months ago, a woman who apparently was privy to RL information on several of the regular posters decided to create a new online handle and use it to create posts of a mean-spirited and bullyish nature, belittling and making fun of several posters for a barrage of reasons (being infertile, alleged treatment of other “mutual” friends, etc). Tons of hurt feelings, as well as righteous ire (the gut reaction I felt most strongly since I wasn’t a target), were created and the individual in question was never revealed.
This seemed to have faded into the background and past of the board until recently when the topic and identity of the secret poster was brought up again… particularly the possibility that some posters think they know who the offending poster is. There are still hurt feelings, mistrust (many of the women have exercised far more reserve in how much info they are willing to share online – which may be a good thing overall and aside from any threat this specific person can pose), and now many are even hesitant in their IRL friendships with other posters because no one really knows if this secret bully is someone we all know and see without being any wiser to their real intentions.
My take… this person is the lowest, basest form of a pathetic bully. I suffered at the hands of bullies when I was in grade school, but thankfully I went through years of working on my self-value and self-esteem and I have never regretted being someone who will take up the cause of an underdog when they are facing cruelty and oppression from someone else. It is amazing to me that an allegedly adult woman is out there who can, without expressed remorse, put forth such a front that is intended to cause pain to others just for the sake of creating drama and, I believe, to make themself feel more important and powerful by bringing said pain heedless of the effects of their actions.
Bottom line? If you’re going to be a total bitch or a bully (or a combo of both), do it with your own identity. Own it. Don’t degrade yourself even lower by assuming an anonymous identity so you can speak your piece and run away like a toddler who is beating a dog’s head on the other side of a fence. It’s cowardly. It’s lame. It’s embarrassing, honestly. Have the base human integrity to be able to own your own ideas and commentary and defend them however you may feel necessary. Give your victims the honest opportunity to face their offender and truly consider the source. Who knows, maybe your own issues with security and self-worth might come to light based on need to blithely attack others without the satisfaction of a fair conflict.
In short, grow a pair. Or go back to the playground where you truly belong.
Really, Rachel... 